How and when your baby was conceived can have a huge impact on your experiences in pregnancy and postpartum. The pre-conception stage holds a lot of stigma and silence with strict gatekeeping and protocol if you do need fertility support.

Many people report struggling to conceive or finding the period of trying harder than they expected even if they could conceive without intervention.  This is where doubt can creep in or perinatal anxiety starts to develop in your first trimester.

Instead of feeling excited and hopeful, it is a pretty common experience for those pregnant through fertility support or struggles to feel worried and scared that something will go wrong. It can be pretty isolating if you are around other pregnant people who you don’t feel ‘get’ or understand how you feel. Likewise, if you built a community or support from the ‘trying to conceive’ community, you can equally feel conflicted about going to those friends about your pregnancy worry. They themselves may also have never spoken about feeling worried when pregnant or they still may be in the process of trying to get pregnant.

Pre-conception when trying for a baby can bring a lot of pressure and uncertainty. There are so many articles out there of what you should be eating, what supplements to take, how much exercise you should be doing, what gadgets and apps can help etc. There is no perfect formula and it’s also important to mention that your fertility experience will be your own and unlike anyone else’s.

Another experience that is pretty common is no one really talks about anyone’s journey to conceive. If pregnancy occurs, everyone gets so excited for the baby coming with little or no processing time given to you of what it took to get you there.

It’s completely normal to have conflicting feelings when you become pregnant. It’s okay to feel worried, anxious, sad, angry or frustrated while also feeling happy and excited about your pregnancy. All your feelings are valid.

Pregnancy or your postnatal period can be a time where unresolved emotions about fertility treatment can arise. Other people report feeling burnt out or numb by the time their baby has been born. You’ve gone through so much emotional and physical upheaval to get to that point, it’s no wonder things come to a head.

Great things to do to combat or prevent pre-conception burnout are;

1. Having fertility doula support- get non-medical, non-judgemental informational, emotional and physical support. Braw Birth brings the same model of doula support to prioritising pre-conception, understanding and experience of Queer fertility and navigating infertility issues.

2. Source additional support - from pregnancy and postpartum from pregnancy doula’s hypnobirthing teachers, lactation consultants etc that mention, consider and include your conception journey as part of their practice. 

3. Build a community - Accessing fertility support groups, pregnancy after fertility or Queer parenting groups can help you meet others with the same experience of starting their families.

4. Having an outlet - having an avenue to express yourself and process your conception and pregnancy journey can be hugely beneficial in not keeping things bottled up or for you to feel isolated in your experience. Writing a blog, penning poetry, singing, playing music, painting, and journaling can all be great tools to help you process things as they happen or understand your feeling around different topics.

5. Build your voice - if you feel your fertility experience is affecting you in pregnancy, speak to your maternity team and doula about it. They can help you with different options of support and techniques to reduce your anxiety.